Blast from the past: Radiohead chat from 1995

by Jonathan on June 3, 2008

Old School

Here’s something for your boring Tuesday. We were feeling nostalgic and started playing with the Way Back Machine, looking at old Radiohead fan sites (Planet Telex, anyone?) and came across this hysterical online chat that the band did with fans in 1995.

We’ve pasted it after the jump…


Radiohead logged on to SonicNet live from Los Angeles during their tour for their latest album, The Bends. Radiohead-heads logged in from Israel, New Zealand, and NYC to pick the bands virtual brains.

(yzeiri) Is Radiohead here yet?
(UnclSonic) Stay tuned: Radiohead is on the way. Where are you all logged in from?
(POtzie) Toronto, Canada.
(TMTSATST) Near Saint Louis, USA.
(yzeiri) UnclSonic: I’m From Israel.
(Sickmike) I’m from California.
(cubbie) Toronto, Canada.
(Dressen) Chicago.
(leafs) Auckland, New Zealand.
(UnclSonic) What time is it in Israel now?
(yzeiri) 11:02 P.M.
(UnclSonic) Radiohead, are you here?
(Radiohead) I think so.
(UnclSonic) Say hi to everyone.
(Radiohead) Hi to everyone.
(UnclSonic) Is the whole band there?
(Radiohead) Yes, they’re over my shoulder. This is Thom.
(cubbie) Hi, I’ve got ‘The Bends.’ Can you help me Radiohead?
(Radiohead) Nope.
(yzeiri) You were great in Israel!
(Radiohead) Israel was a good show. I was very very ill that day.
(yzeiri) I didn’t notice it.
(UnclSonic) What’s the latest on the stolen goods?
(Radiohead) The gear? Well, we’ve been doing a lot of shopping. The latest is that I don’t think we’ll be seeing any of it again. It sounds like they were fairly organized or very stupid. They found our van.
(leafs) Where is Radiohead talking from?
(UnclSonic) leafs: Los Angeles.
(TMTSATST) I am a novice guitar player and I can’t pick up songs by ear, so how can I get tab for ‘The Bends’ and ‘High and Dry?’
(Radiohead) There is sheet music for the bends coming out soon. Personally annotated by Jonny!
(Dressen) What exactly happened at the REM/Radiohead gig in Chicago? Did Jonny’s amp blow out?
(leafs) Are you guys going to be coming down to New Zealand/Australia sometime soon?
(Radiohead) New Zealand and Australia — we’ll be there early next year.
(TMTSATST) Thom…What would you say is your favorite Radiohead tune?
(Radiohead) Oh, okay. My favorite is a new song, ‘Lucky’ on an album called ‘Help,’ a charity record for War Child.
(TMTSATST) I haven’t heard that tune yet, I want to though.
(trICkSteR) Heellloooo.
(UnclSonic) Hey.
(Radiohead) Hello Mr. Trickster.
(Dressen) Will ‘Street Spirit’ be released as a single for Christmas?
(Radiohead) ‘Street Spirit’ will be released in January in the UK.
(leafs) There’s a video for ‘Lucky’ isn’t there? It was on top of the pops.
(Radiohead) The video was recorded in a day. Loads of the Britpop crew appeared on it. Despite that, it’s a pretty good video.
(yzeiri) I heard ‘Lucky.’ GREAT song. I also saw the video.
(UnclSonic) Radiohead: What’s the creepiest thing you’ve done this week?
(Radiohead) The creepiest thing involved someone called Sonic.
(TMTSATST) So Radiohead, how do you cope with boredom?
(Radiohead) Boredom? It doesn’t exist; especially when you tour with Soul Asylum.
(UnclSonic) Radiohead: What’s your favorite thing about England?
(Radiohead) My favorite thing about England is my girlfriend, so it will involve sex.
(trICkSteR) Can you think of a name for my band?
(Dressen) Trickster is meaningless. Trickster is weak.
(Radiohead) Here’s a name for a band: ‘God’s Spray Cheese.’
(trICkSteR) I’ll bear it in mind.
(yzeiri) I can find a name. I need a band, though.
(UnclSonic) What kind of sex?
(TMTSATST) Good I hope. What is the first thing you will do when you get home?
(leafs) What’s the deal with that picture on the front of the ‘Bends’ album?
(dan2121) What do you think of Oasis?
(Radiohead) I don’t think of Oasis.
(UnclSonic) Radiohead: did you take your name from the Monty Python episode where a guy had a radio in his nose?
(Radiohead) Yes. Monty Python, oh yes. Oh no. The game’s up.
(playdead) Is Radiohead here?
(trICkSteR) Nooooooo.
(Radiohead) No Radiohead here.
(TMTSATST) Radiohead has left the building! Radiohead has left the building!
(UnclSonic) Radiohead: What were you all like during high school?
(Radiohead) During high school I hid in the music school.
(UnclSonic) Were you in the marching band?
(trICkSteR) Hahahahahaha.
(playdead) Your concert in Toronto this Friday was apparently rescheduled to December 12. I’m very sad. Are you guys still coming to Toronto to visit?
(Radiohead) Toronto….we have to get back to prepare for the UK tour, so yes we’ll reschedule those.
(trICkSteR) I am talking to RADIOHEAD! Everyone will be jealous of me tomorrow!
(UnclSonic) Radiohead: If you could have cybersex with anyone, who would it be?
(Radiohead) Cybersex? Courtney Love. That way I could press quit and erase.
(TMTSATST) Yes…another Courtney hater!
(trICkSteR) Courtney should follow Kurt Cobain’s example.
(Radiohead) No stuff about Nirvana, please.
(trICkSteR) Sorry.
(UnclSonic) Radiohead: Do you feel a karmic bond with Beck’s “Loser?”
(Radiohead) I met Beck. There was no bond, but I have a lot of respect for his shoes.
(trICkSteR) Me too.
(TMTSATST) Mr.Radiohead, sir: If you had a shotgun with one bullet, how would you use it?
(Radiohead) I’d use it on the radio.
(TMTSATST) I’d personally use it on MTV.
(yzeiri) Who did you like to tour with the most?
(Radiohead) The best people we’ve met in this godforsaken business are REM.
(dan2121) Nice show with REM in St. Petersburg, Florida.
(playdead) I’d like to see them live, but ticket prices for REM are just SKY HIGH!
(TMTSATST) Mr. Radiohead, sir: If you could cover any song what would you cover?
(trICkSteR) Radiohead: I hope you realize that if you released a single of you all farting tomorrow, we would buy it.
(UnclSonic) Trick: I have a tape of them farting. How much are you willing to pay?
(UnclSonic) Radiohead: Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?
(Radiohead) Have you ever seen a grown man naked? Locker rooms are great.
(UnclSonic) Radiohead: What’s really inside Shepherd’s Pie?
(Radiohead) Shepherd’s Pie? Mostly toe nails and rabbit droppings, I believe.
(trICkSteR) And shepherds.
(UnclSonic) Yum.
(trICkSteR) When is the new album due?
(disgust) New album? They just released ‘The Bends.’
(Radiohead) Nine months is the usual gestation period.
(Sickmike) Thom: What do you call three lepers in a hot-tub?
(Dressen) Will you guys ever visit JBTV again? That’s my only resource.
(Radiohead) You really should get out more.
(TMTSATST) What kind of mark do you want to leave on this thing called rock and roll?
(Radiohead) A broken neck.
(trICkSteR) Ding.
(Radiohead) Dong.
(TMTSATST) Ping.
(Radiohead) Pong.
(leafs) Why are you guys from England? (Try and top that as the dumbest question of the day)
(trICkSteR) Why are you American?
(Radiohead) Britain is a pimple.
(Sickmike) Can I pop it?
(TMTSATST) So, tell us about your mums.
(trICkSteR) Do any of your mothers/fathers go out to your gigs?
(Radiohead) Our mums get together every Sunday to watch our videos and smoke grass.
(trICkSteR) What’s a nice band like you doing on an information superhighway like this?
(playdead) ‘Morning Glory’ is a good album, but ‘The Bends’ is the best!
(Radiohead) We’ve been invited to the Viper Room tonight. This is what it means to be cool — or dead.
(UnclSonic): Radiohead: What do you call your fans? Radiohead heads?
(trICkSteR) Headers.
(Radiohead) Our fans are, ummm, nice people.
(Sickmike) Radiohead: Call us WANKERS.
(Radiohead) Someone else other than me should talk to you now. This is Thom signing off.
(disgust) Adios Thom.
(yzeiri) Who’s at the keyboard now?
(Radiohead) I’m Jonny.
(UnclSonic) Jonny, can you see me?
(TMTSATST) HERE’S JONNY.
(Dressen) Jonny’s the guy that gets all the screaming girls
(Radiohead) This is quite queer.
(Dressen) Did you get any influence from some of Joey Santiago’s guitar work of the Pixies?
(Radiohead) Pixies? Yes.
(leafs) Radiohead: Who is the weird looking guy in the band with the black hair who always hangs his head low?
(Radiohead) Me!
(leafs) Who’s me?
(TMTSATST) Yes…you have a cool aura about you.
(UnclSonic): Cool aura or gas?
(yzeiri) What would you do to the guys who stole your stuff if you could be with them alone in a room where there are no witnesses and no one could hear them scream?
(Radiohead) The robbers? I hope their next shit is a porcupine.
(PINOCHET) Here in Chile we have the best wine. If you want a bottle, just send me your address.
(Lucien) Wow, free wine!
(Radiohead) Trickster, lets have smutty sex soon.
(trICkSteR) Fine.
(Sickmike) I want to watch.
(Sickmike) Seriousness sucks.
(Radiohead) Groupies suck — occasionally. I want to meet (meat) tricksTeR.
(trICkSteR) Next time you play here, we meet (meat).
(Sickmike) Rock whore.
(trICkSteR) He plays with sharpened mangos.
(Sickmike) You should play with 6 foot lesbians from Anchorage, Alaska.
(Dressen) Is that a morley pedal on my iron lung?
(TMTSATST) Trickster should be fisted and kicked off.
(Radiohead) I’ll fist trickster.
(trICkSteR) You agree that I should be fisted, Jonny?
(Radiohead) Yum.
(TMTSATST) Can I help you, Radiohead?
(trICkSteR) Do you want to take part in the holy proceedings?
(Sickmike) I enjoy fisting myself.
(Radiohead) Here’s my brother Colin, see you later.
PINOCHET: Bye, RH.
(yzeiri) Bye Jonny.
(Sickmike) Bye Jonny.
(trICkSteR) Bye bye, my love.
(TMTSATST) Bye Jonny…we will do the fisting later.
(Radiohead) Tmtsatst: You can’t talk about brother like that, you naughty, naughty boy.
(TMTSATST) Thanks. Naughty I am.
(leafs) Colin: Are you the weird looking guy?
(Sickmike) Colin, do you like Chaucer?
(Radiohead) Sickmike, I had the misfortune of studying him at college.
(Sickmike) “…Whan that aprille with his showres soute, cum the dicke of frauline undulaute.”
(trICkSteR) That is Chaucer. Where did you get those terrible Hawaiian shirts, Colin?
(Radiohead) I borrowed them from David Gray’s drummer on the last tour. When he left, I had to throw up on my own shirt to achieve the same effect.
(trICkSteR) jonny@fist.me.now.hard.
(Radiohead) Will you all stop talking about my brother like that. He’s young.
(Sickmike) But we all love him in a special way.
(Radiohead) Jonny is now blushing furiously, and begging everyone to tell him what ‘fisting’ means.
(TMTSATST) You really want to know?
(playdead) How long is Jonny’s hair?
(Radiohead) My dad is Godzilla.
(Sickmike) Cool.
(trICkSteR) My mom is Mothra.
(TMTSATST) My dad is King Kong…and my dad beat your dad’s ass!
(Sickmike) My dad is dead.
(Radiohead) My mom is a woman 40 years old.
(trICkSteR) My dad is a policeman and he will put Godzilla in prison for ever and ever and eat the key.
(Radiohead) EVERYBODY MASTURBATE NOW!
(TMTSATST) Mission complete…hehehehehe.
(trICkSteR) This was the first time a band ever insulted my dad. It was cool!
(Radiohead) Your dad deserves it, he sired a loony.
(leafs) Radiohead: Please say “bye leafs!”
(Radiohead) See you soon sweet leafs, my love
(trICkSteR) I must go. It is way past my bedtime.
(Radiohead) Trickster: Write to Oxford, we’ll meet up. Bring ‘baldy.’
(trICkSteR) You mean that?
(Radiohead) Yeah … the baldy bit, anyway.
(trICkSteR) OK, FINE YOUNG MAN.
(trICkSteR) Where do I write?
(Radiohead) Our address is on all CDs: Put my name on it. I’m home next week.
(trICkSteR) YES. HOME RUN.
(Radiohead) Here’s Thom, see you sex-pots.
(yzeiri) Hey Thom.
(Radiohead) C’est moi.
(trICkSteR) I am meeting Jonny soon.
(Radiohead) Oh no.
(trICkSteR) Bye.
(Lucien) I’m getting a ferret
(Sickmike) Ferrets are cool.
(Radiohead) They are substitute babies you know. Cats.
(yzeiri) How many copies did you sell of your albums WorldWide??
(Radiohead) 1.5 million. But we spent all the money making videos.
(Lucien) Life is too short.
(TMTSATST) Mmmmm…..life.
(Dressen) You are losing your religion.
(Sickmike) I’ve already lost mine.
(bob) Could you take Sarah McLachlan in a fight, Thom?
(Dressen) Sarah McLachlan has her own interactive CD.
(Radiohead) Who is this person? Is she on 90120?
(Dressen) She’s on Baywatch.
(bob) YOU DON’T KNOW SARAH MCLACHLAN!
(TMTSATST) Thom…getting any lately?
(bob) Lucky bastard.
(Radiohead) No, I get all the loonies.
(TMTSATST) Huhuhuhuh….lucky.
(bob) Love is a dangerous infection
(bob) When are you heading back to the studio?
(Radiohead) February.
(bob) Why doesn’t MTV ever play your videos?
(Radiohead) Because we are too far ahead. Radiohead must leave now.
(Sickmike) MTV sucks.
(playdead) Bye.
(Dressen) Later.
(bob) I like the cover of your latest release? Where did you find it?



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